So, there is NO activity on this place for ages. AGES. Like, I feared for the lives of all the people I watched. Then, I log in today to 73 new deviations, and a bazzillion journals(ok, so there were three, but that is still lots).

You crazy mofos...

I am back at uni again. (yay!)

I have swore of drinking for a while (...hmm...Sunday is a night I fortunatly don't remember very well). Which is good two days into term.

I have a brilliant lit lecturer who I think has the most incredible voice. Seriously, he asked me a question and I was so relaxed after listening to him read a poem I don't know what he said. So now I am the dopey fake red head who just looked at him like a fish. Luckily, I am loud enough to fix this problem soon.

I have class in 8 hours, and I am still awake. Far out...

Also have toga tomorrow. Should be amazing fun. I should also look like crap, but, hey! It is all in the name of fun!

Ooo...also...if you have never done this look at what you eat and see what has lactose, gluten and added sugar. Anything ending in 'osce' is generally a form of gluten too. And then, you can appreciate just how boring eating has become for me. Stupid diet...

Anyway, night fellars.

So, I was having a shower the other day, as you do.

I noticed, in the corner of my shower there was a spider. He was a nice friendly looking little thing, and I tried to tell him that he should get out before I turn the water on. No matter how nice a spider you look, everyone gets a bit pissy when suddenly wet. That is the way of the world.

Now, he, like all men, thought he knew best and so looked at me like I was stupid and didn't move.

Now, when I turned the water, I, like all women, was right in assuming this spider would not be happy. He shot up the glass wall and sat at eye height giving me the evil eye. I told him he had no right to sulk, I gave him warning.

In response, he did the spider equivilant of flipping me the bird. It was then that I noticed this spider had only 7 legs.

Nothing unusual there, we all loose limbs occassionaly...I suppose.

But, it did occur to me that this spider, who was one leg down on all of his mates, wa still putting up a fight and being essentially a typical spider.

So, if a spider, who has fuck all 'intelligence' can see the world doesn't come to an end with the loss of a leg, why should I panic at the things I do?

I counted, I have two legs still.

Maybe I should fight more?

This is long, I am so sorry, but I am interested in your thoughts.

So, you guys have probably noticed a few things recently.

Firstly, me bitching constantly about how bored I am. I do appologise. But really, I would buy tickets to watch paint dry at this point in my life.

Secondly, I have not been putting anything up in for ages. Moses was still in nappies last time I submitted anything. Again, sorry.

And that is the point of my life I wish to discuss with you right now.

So, I worked out the last time I went to submit something that people all over the world can see this. You are all sitting there now going "yes, that would be the point". But seriously, ANYONE CAN READ THIS! IT IS BLOODY INTIMIDATING! So now, everyone (theoretically) can see that I misspelt that word. Amazing.

So...in theory ANYONE can read what I have been writing. Again, you are all thinking "fuck...she is a thick broad, ain't she?". Sorry, but this occured to me and I want to think about it outloud to the universe, because that many people can read what I have to say.

Amazing.

It is making me think twice about everything I am submitting. Because, idealy, like any sort of artist I have this deep seated dream somewhere in my soul that I occasionally bring out and turn over in my mind, that I will be able to share my art with the world.

And now you are all yelling at your computers saying things like "OH MY! THAT IS WHAT YOU WERE WHINGING ABOUT BEFORE DOSEY GIT!!" But, my point is, is this really the way I want it to pan out?

Do I want my sharing of my writing to take place in an impersonal website, where I never get to see any of you react to my words? Or do I want to do it in a traditonal way? There is such safety in the annonimity the internet provides, but is safety worth it?

And I know that my writing is mostly self indulgent drivle no one understands but me, and no one reads except a select few of you, but...I think thats my point.

Anyway, I woudl love to hear what you guys have to say on this. I have offically freaked myself out (so very easy to do right now) and would like someone to give me a new voice for the argument in my head. Yeah...

Let me know guys.

Thankyou to which ever brave soul managed to get through this. You deserve a stiff drink and a roast.

Signing off,

Phil.

Hope all you lot out there had a wonderful Christmas! Or will have one! Or whatever...and if you can't make sure you drink enough to make it good!

I have had an interesting couple of weeks (in a really bad way) so I have not really been in the mood for writting, but you can look forward to some new stuff in the new year-can't say it will be quality though...

Much love and blessings,

Phil.

So I am packing up my universe to head home for the Christmas break, and I have discovered I own SO MUCH CRAP!! I have no idea where it came from either...all these possessions I forgot I owned are appearing in my cupboards...Bizzar.

Moral of the story: I hate living on campus right now. Packing is the biggest waste of my life right now...

And I am not angry about it at all...